so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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