he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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