He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
why is half of my head shaved?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
