Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
