I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
