tell your sister to shave her snatch
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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