I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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