went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
