i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
