im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize