Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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