Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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