you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
