she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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