Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
