I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
