I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
