So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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