Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
