Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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