Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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