You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
