Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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