I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
