After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
