Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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