My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
