Need sex. Gaining weight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
