I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
