If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
