Don't you send me to vm
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
