i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
