I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
