I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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