oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
