Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
