She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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