Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
