So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
