My underwear smells like fireworks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
