you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
