the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
