Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
