There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Found the puke drawer
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
