I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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