He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
