just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
