Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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