Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
