having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize