Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
