And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
