I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
