I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize