I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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