This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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