John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
