DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
NoShamevember. You game?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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