She's JV to your varsity
someone threw a dead crab at me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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