I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
