i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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