I love black thongs
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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