Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
