just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
