if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
