Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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