Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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