I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
he's single and there are thong briefs.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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