are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I need moral support for this bender
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
