Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
