this beer tastes like vomit already
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize