im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You may now shotgun with the bride
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
