Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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