I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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