officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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