Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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