So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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