Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
