the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
