okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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