I only kidnapped one of them. chill
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize