Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
