can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think I won the penis lottery.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
