He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Randomize
