Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
