if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
