hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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