Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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