I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm bleeding and have questions
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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