Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
