The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
