please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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