He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
