Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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