so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
